We are all expecting that others will understand us, be there for us, knew what we would like, to know how we feel. Have you ever been frustrated and angry because you felt misunderstood, unheard and like you would not have the right to feel what you feel. I think that we all had that in some point in our relationships that we have, and I mean in all relationship, family, love, friendship, workplace…
But how many times have you asked yourself how other person feels, thinks, wants?
We can all be quite selfish. We demand to be heard, understood, that people would be compassionate. But in order to have the right to expect that from others we need to do our part first. And we need to be aware that based on how good we do our job to step in other people shoes defines quality of our relationships. Can you u talk with your family, friends or partner about what are you afraid of, what you need or want and why is that important to you? Do you talk with them about your goals, and things or do you talk about YOU in your relationships?
So you need to:
- Understand to be understood
- Be compassionate to get compassion
- Be supportive to get support
- Be thankful for people in your life so other for people will be thankful for you to be in theirs.
- Listen to others to be heard from them
And relationship are not here to hurt us. I noticed that some people run away of any close relationship in which they would have the time and place to fully open themselves up and would be accepted for who they are. Somehow people with bad relationship history (family, love, friendships) have trouble in open themselves up. And we need to understand that too.
How often do you take the time for your relationships and talk? To fully step in other person shoes? Sometimes we treat our relationships badly and then we complain that the relationship do not give us what we are expecting. But have you ever really talk about that with the other person and found the common ground to build relationship on.
We need to build every relationship that we have (love, family, friends, relationships at workplace) no relationship will grow on its own. And the more we talk and share and try to understand the other side the stronger our relationship is.
Richie Samobra in one of his songs say: Sharin’ the laughter, Sharin’ the tears, And the promises we keep
And talking deeply about what we want and need is not so terrifying and hard. So here a short practice that I recommend. At the end of the conversations you need the answer to the following questions:
- What other person whishes ( not in general but the be specific)
- Why does he or she want whish (what need does the whish fulfills – we all have positive intention for us, right?)
- What is my part in this whish ( what I can do to help other person to get what he or she wishes and why am I important in this matter)
- Does the other person have all this answers regarding my whish or whishes?
And in the end love yourselves and be god to others. And If you talk and try to do your best in relationships and you don`t get the understanding, compassion and support back and if other person see the pressure in having conversation so you can be both fulfilled find the power to walk away.
And this goes to every relationships.
The boss is there to give you tasks and responsibilities and to give you respect and support that you can fully meet the demands.
Your family and friends are there so you can be support and encouragement for each other, and sometimes the hardest critics.
Partners are there to share your deepest wishes that not even family and friends know as you are forming something new just yours. And this relationship gives you something that no other can as this is the highest level of relationships as you are the one who chooses the one that you will spend the life with and life is not easy it comes with challenges which are easier whit the best team on your side. The team that you have built.
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