I have so much to say it is going to be hard to stay in focus and I will have to keep some ideas for my future posts.

Last week I was having a cold and couldn’t take any days off work. So yesterday evening I took some time to be with myself. And forbidden me to spend the time cleaning the apartment. 🙂

It was hard being with my thoughts. As I have had so many topics for my inner conversations with my past me, current me and future me.  My past me told some truth to my current me regarding why my current me have some issues. And the future me told my current me what the current me should do or fix them. As the future me has some crazy great ideas for my life and it does not need any baggage such kind. 🙂

It will be 10 years this summer from the most difficult summer in my life. Summer that mainly defined me who I am today. On the 1st of August, my friend died in a car accident. And 3 weeks later the boy that I loved the most at that time tried to commit suicide.  That thanks to the universe did not complete it.  When my friend died I was on holidays with my parents and did not even went to the funeral. As I was too far away I just remember. I locked myself in the apartment room at 4`o clock when the funeral was and I was thinking about everything that we experienced together.

Yesterday something said to go to her grave and light a candle and go to the grandparents grave to light candles to them as well. Everything made me think about life and what means to be alive. And if I am grateful enough for my life that I have.

HOW IT IS SUPPOSED TO BE

When I looked back on this past 10 years I saw that my days were filled with searching for who I want to be and what is my mission in this world. So yesterday evening before I went to bed I had kind of figure it out what means to be alive.

Searching your inner mission is hard in days like this. When everything is facing the influence of commercial and perfection and HOW IT IS SUPPOSED TO BE. The whole economy is building the world that individual spirit is less and less important and everybody and everything is just trying to put us in a market segment and we can easily be lost and the commercial voices can override the inner voices of our individual life stories. Some souls are lost in the commercial world, some are filling their egos through it, and some just want to fit in, as being who they are isn’t as easy as fitting in.

And there are souls that they are searching to find themselves, they are searching what is their mission on this world and I count myself in this group.

The point is being alive not just existing.

It takes a lot of work to go your own path as you do not have any commercial, guideline or magazine to tell you where to go, you have just your inner feelings and voices that tell you what to do.

Handling the outside voices and inner feelings is the confusion what is right and what is wrong for you and sometimes can be hard and we can sometimes even go away from our path. Everybody has memories that made them who they are and each day everybody has new moments that define them. Those memories and moments are life facts but it is up to us what we will do from them.

It is our decision if we take them an excuse to fail or succeed or take them as a learning step stones on which we will build our future goals and decisions.

How we take each moment in our lives depends on how honestly we can look ourselves in the mirror. I often say if there is nothing to change if there isn`t an area that you can improve. You are probably lying to yourself.

The path of your self-searching often requires to leave the old patterns. That means that your life can change and that takes courage. Leaving something that you know and open the door to unknown means leave the safety zone.

Leaving the safety zone means taking responsibility for your own actions,  goals and even the responsibility for falling or succeeding. That on other hand means that you can`t point fingers to anybody but yourself. I wish to say something that I noticed that not only that people have trouble with taking the responsibility for their failure the main concern that I have and wish that people would see the scale of the problem is that even if they make they do not have the courage to stand out holding their heads high and be proud of themselves.

On the path of self-fulfillment, we can learn a lot from other people, meeting new people can open your horizons and you can learn something good from everybody if you are man enough that you see that good part in everybody.  The art is also to distinguish between what people show on the outside and what is their reality and their inner fight.

We have to step in other people stories just to understand them even if we do not agree with that story. Like Einstein said any fool can know the point is to understand. When we will understand other people, why are they doing the things they do and what drives them we can help them and learn from them.  How we learn from other defines what kind of tools for our personal growth we will choose.

However, when learning from others you have to be careful not to compare you with anybody. We are all unique and we have our own battles to fight. When comparing yourself to others is the same as following the economy who needs us to be alike so they can sell the same thing to millions of people. BE YOUR OWN STORY! And if I use Einstein once more

the point is not that you know your final destination the point is to understand why you have been set on this mission.

I search myself and building my path and my understanding of my life mission through also through rock music, especially Bruce, Jon and others (I do not wish to narrow down the artists). I feel that they have found that inner peace and they understand their mission as I feel that in their songs. I wish I could explain the energy that I have felt on the concerts when I was 2 meters away from them but I can`t as there was not just a feeling but there were a million clicks in my head and heart that enabled to see more of myself. The lyrics sometimes give me the mirror to look deeper than any other mirror in this world. And I guess what happens when I listen to music of is described in the video below from 53 seconds forward.